In her work on kindness, the University of Sussex psychologist Gillian Sandstrom calls these conversational gambits “small, humanising acts”. It’s important to emphasise the “small” aspect. Sometimes I think people are overwhelmed by the “bigness” in their mind of the fear of interaction, and how disproportionate that seems next to the “smallness” of the pathetic reality. Don’t read too much into passing moments. Trust yourself to read social cues and work out how you stand in relation to them. Know yourself and your own personality. Not everyone wants to talk and not everyone wants to be talked to. And that’s OK. It can depend on the day and on your mood. Give yourself get-out-of-jail-free cards in these conversations. If someone doesn’t respond, assume they didn’t hear you or they’re having a bad day. If someone talks to you and you feel uncomfortable or you’re having a bad day, it is not your job to be kind or nice. If their attempt was well meant, they’ll get over it. We don’t need to avoid each other. But we also don’t have to be on niceness autopilot all the time.
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Cornman arrived in Colorado just as the airlines were confronting a series of mysterious crashes. On June 24, 1975, an Eastern Airlines plane was blown to the ground half a mile short of its runway in New York. It collided with some approach light towers and burst into flames, scattering its pieces across Rockaway Boulevard. Seven years later, in New Orleans, a Pan Am flight was forced down by the wind just after takeoff. It plowed into an adjacent neighborhood, killing eight people on the ground and all its passengers. In the U.S. alone, similar wind-shear accidents killed more than four hundred people between 1973 and 1985.